EMOTIONAL INTELLIGENCE| GRIFT | 10.07.17

On the back of the release of her debut EP Eralda, Tasmanian chanteuse Ani Lou selected some expensive chesterfield couches in the quietest corner she could find to chat with Amanda Van Elk about her musical obsessions, creativity vs illness and and the transcendence of surrendering to emotional truth in performance. 

A: You've just release your debut EP Eralda and I noted the single Ascend has a particularly Scandinavian feel to it.  Can you tell us a little about how the arrangement with your European producers came about?

Ani: I’ve always liked Scandinavian music but it didn't quite click to me that maybe I could contact people from Sweden or Norway until I had started contacting people in Australia. I just wasn't suiting anyone and nothing was really clicking. I had a couple of experiences with people in Australia that didn't quite get what I was trying to say, for example “I want this particular sound and it’s dreamy”. 

A: And so did you just contact them blind and send them a song to see if they’d be a good match?

Ani: I was just researching Adna, do you know Adna? She's from Sweden, and I was just researching her stuff and I thought “Who produced her music?” and it was Simon Hagström (production) and Henrik Alsér (mastering). I contacted Simon initially for Ascend and it was simple. I just sent him a song and he was like “Yeah I’ll work on it for you!” It was just easy because he makes ambient music himself. I worked with Henrik for pretty much the rest of the EP because it ended up being a better suited financially as well. He’d mastered my track before and we still had an understanding. They could just both understand where I was coming from because I’d chosen an artist that I had similarities with. It was all pretty straight forward, which was nice. 

A: Was it a pretty collaborative process? Did you send files back and forth a lot? 

Ani: Not too much actually, we’d kind of get the song and I’d be like “Oh maybe there should be a less synthy sound for the guitar or the delay maybe could be reduced” but it was just really minor details. We usually just really liked it and thought “This is awesome!” 

A: So that research you did in the first instance helped you to avoid problems that could've cropped up if you’d chosen a producer who wasn’t sympathetic to your sound? 

Ani: Yeah, I’d worked with people and recorded with them before that didn't really get it. They were like “Oh this is UNUSUAL music!” and I was like “Oh what do you mean by that?! I’m sorry!” What I’d read was that if you try and find people to work with who make music similar to what you make it just makes everything so much easier. 

A: I’m curious about how the Scandinavian influence connects with the Tassie landscape for you as well. How do you feel that the seasons and the environment around you actually influence your songwriting?

Ani: To be honest I’m not really sure… I’ve had that question before because somebody said I really remind them of the natural elements… 

A: And your’e like “Hmmmm I’m not really thinking about the elements when I write”?…

Ani: Yeah I’ve always lived near the beach and I’ve always had an affinity with the ocean but everything during this process was very internalised. Dark Days was written about anxiety and in my writing I’m saying the night and day are the same thing because you're internal and you're just going through these days that all blur together. So if anything I was just kind of blind to the seasons. 

A: So for you maybe it was more of a pure channelling of these emotions you needed to go through and release?

Ani: Yeah definitely. Emotionally all this stuff that was just ready to burst out. 

A: How long did the process of writing and recording the EP take you all up?

Ani: Probably six months just from starting to record to mastering and I already had a few songs before then, so it was within a year. But I did write Imagery and Ascend around the time that I was recording the EP. When you’re recording music with people and you’re doing a lot more, you get moments of inspiration. With both of those songs I realised what I wanted and that was when it probably came together the easiest. 

A: You’ve also spoken a little in the past about how chronic fatigue has inspired your songwriting. I wonder where your’e at with the illness now and whether you’ve found your songwriting process has changed as you've moved through different phases of it?

Ani: Definitely when I started writing under the name Ani Lou I was pretty much bed bound so I didn't really have that much of a social life at all. I was uploading things to Soundcloud and it was just me on the guitar. I was vocally layering and it was just something that I did at home. I was using Garageband on my laptop for a pretty long time which works OK and I had a guitar synth as well that I was just making sounds on. That was probably the most melancholy time but it was very honest and I still really like the stuff I made which was very chorusy and layered. I was really into Juliana Barwick so even now I listen back and I just like that influence. In terms of my health now, I still very much have it and I’m still managing my days as best I can. In terms of gigging and writing the EP, it kind of came from frustrations that are still there. I’m still seperate in ways that I guess I don’t want to be. Trying to belong and fit in when you can’t access the same things that a lot of your peers can is difficult. I wrote Ascend during the summer months when my friends were all going to festivals and I was at home and there was this massive Faux Mo thing going on. The EP is talking to these stories and the whole emotional landscape that's been underneath for so long.

A: Do you think writing this EP has impacted your health positively?

Ani: I definitely think so. Because it’s also a fulfilling thing and I think I was lacking a lot of meaning for a long time. To me it’s a massive thing and it does feel fulfilling in a way that I didn't felt for a long time. Putting out an EP for instance: after I did it the whole time I kind of thought “Will this happen? I don’t know" then afterwards I was just like “Woah this is crazy!” I had a lot of help from my partner and from friends which I’m so thankful for. He plays guitar in the band.

A: So you ended up starting out with a feeling of total isolation and then moving through it and even attracting another person who was sharing in that creative process with you. That’s quite a beautiful thing.

Ani: Yeah indeed it was. 

A: I’m also curious about your live performance routine and how that journey has been for you. Obviously it’d be more confronting than usual for any artist - moving through an extra layer of exhaustion and anxiety…

Ani: So it’s probably been about a year and a half now so it still feels very new. Every time I play I learn something and I’m like “I wanna add that” or I try and manage it better because it’s still a process of recovery. “How much I can fit into that one night?” etc. Ultimately I think having been ill and now playing live means that I’m not afraid to put as much meaning as I can into it. I’m not afraid to be really emotional. I guess I have a bit more perspective about what my biggest fears are because I was there for a while. I’d get nerves before I’d go on stage but I’m not nervous to show people emotional things. I guess when I get over my nerves I wanna be as honest as possible so people can relate to the things that I was reflecting on. 

A: Do you ever hope that when you’re writing a song, that it has a particular effect on your audience?

Ani: With the EP I was just writing a lot of songs because I just needed to and then hoping that if people were in a similar position they'd find a kinship, like I did when I was listening to a lot of music. But the more that I can kind of confront and get over the big things that I need to, the more I can think about what’s going on in other people’s lives and broaden that sense of empathy and definitely write a bit about people. I guess it’s just about human existence in general. Just kind of observing people and what they might be going through. I definitely write about that too and hopefully people listen and get it. I don’t wanna make people sad but hopefully there’s some sort of understanding that is helpful. 

A: I don’t find it sad at all. I’m a big Radiohead fan and that’s actual sad music! But with your music, like a lot of Scandinavian bands, there’s a sense of rising above something thats been challenging you, a metamorphosis. Beautifully delicate and very fragile. So I wonder where you would like this next stage of growth to take you musically? Can you look at that yet? 

Ani: I don’t know I mean I’ve been thinking about it recently and it’s kind of scary- the music industry. It does really intimidate me and if I think about it too much yeah I get a bit scared. I think more recently I’ve been thinking I’ve gotta just kind of be in the moment and hone my craft as best I can and keep learning guitar and keep listening to sounds that I like and recreate them in ways that mean something to me. That's just enough of a challenge as it is. I do in a sense want to think about the future but there’s a lot of the things in terms of my health and there are a lot of unknowns in the music industry. At the moment I guess I just want to focus on doing the best that I can.

A: Are there any particular artists who are really inspiring you at the moment?

Ani: I listen to new people all the time. I always talk about Agnes Obel being an inspiration and when I was starting out I listened to a lot of Sigur Ros. 

A: Did you grow up with a lot of music in your household?

Ani: My dad really likes music. Not really anyone in my family plays an instrument but there’s definitely an appreciation of music. My sister really enjoys singing but she doesn’t do it in front of other people and my dad listened to a lot of Simple Minds and Jimi Hendrix and B52’s. I love Rock Lobster so much. But yeah it was just more a thing for me personally because when I was really young I had a lot of anxiety and I’d hide away and listen to a lot of music. And it was terrible music. Like Avril Levigne. 

A: Name one more…

Ani: Delta Goodrem.

A: Keep going…

Ani: Mandy Moore and Blink 182 were in there. 

A: So how did you go from Mandy Moore to Agnes Obel? What the hell happened to you?

Ani: I don’t know it just kind of happened... I was just listening to Sea FM. I didn’t know better! I was in high school, it was just what was there. Then the more I actually started playing music I think I would just research more you’re on YouTube and I was Googling things and I’d meet friends and they’d be listening to Sigur Ros and I’d listen to that. You just start picking up things that are a bit more homely to listen to and your’e like “Oh thats where I need to be!” Rather than Mandy Moore. 

A: Well that’s cool. It sounds like you’ve done a full revolution and found your place musically stylistically. It’s kind of nice that you have your partner sharing that as well…finding a sense of support and transformation through something that was really difficult. 

Ani: Yes, it’s always changing as well. Lately I’ve been thinking 'If I did another EP what would it be like?" and even though there would definitely similar things in there, the more I listen, the more elements I wanna bring in. I know that it’s gonna evolve and it’s almost hard to get my finger on exactly how I want it to sound. 

A: And that’s likely to evolve even more in the recording studio for you right? You might sit there with guitar and go oh yeah well start here and then the mind gets wild…

Ani: Yeah that’s where my mind is at the moment, it’s a bit blurred and I’m trying to pull things out of it but it’s not ready. I think sometimes you just need to wait for it to come. I’m more of the sort of writer that it just comes to. I don’t want to push it and write something that doesn’t really mean that much. When I think of things and it just kind of blurts out it’s a bit more true. You’ve gotta be a bit patient with that. 

A: I agree and I’ve experienced that with the creative process myself. There’s no forcing that, ever. Your vision of the future is about being present and allowing it to come through. 

Ani: Yeah ‘cause sometimes your mind is like “I’m never gonna write a song again, it’s been four days and I’ve had no inspiration!” And I’m like “mmm I’m just gonna push that thought aside and just see what happens.” 

A: What was a highlight of the last year for you?

Ani: Playing Dark MOFO was really awesome. That was around the same time I put the EP out. Just the fact of putting an EP itself out was a really massive achievement for me. Then just the shows that I played after that that I felt really supported in, that was really nice. Now I just feel like I kind of have to draw back and take some time and see what comes up next ‘cause if I do too much and I wear myself out it kind of tinkers with the creative process a bit as well. I want to evolve rather than just playing. I just get sick of things that I play really easily as well.

A: Do you? I do that thing where I listen to a song so much that I ruin it for myself. 

Ani: Yeah I do that as well, I haven’t heard a song like that for a while where you just listen and listen and listen but it helps you so much during that time. 

A: And it’s hard to not do it cause you’re not impressed by everything you hear so you go “Well this really does it for me I just need more of it!”

Ani: I think it’s great, I mean sometimes it’s this really strong draw to a song that’s helpful so I don’t think it’s a bad thing...unless sometimes I’ll listen to things ‘cause I’ve been really sad and its just drawing me further down into this hole…

A: Yeah I’ve been there too. It’s a dangerous one.

Ani: But that’s something that I guess you just try and be aware of. 

A:It’s an interesting concept that as an audience member you consume music and that there’s almost a spiritual development within that. Eg. you’ve got the choice to move from one particular emotional song into something that might actually uplift you next or you can choose to stay ‘down there’ for a while. Maybe we’re not always that conscious of what were doing with this stuff but I’ve been thinking about this a lot. I’m always listening to something and have headphones in all the time and it’s like I’m curating my day as I’m walking to work and doing various things. I’ll notice myself go ‘I really love this song and I know it’s gonna make me cry right now but I need to let that out’. Y’know it’s that funny thing. Whereas on the flip side you could go “I’m gonna listen to that song Rock Lobster cause that makes me feel wild and awesome!” Music as therapy.

Ani: Yeah I think when you’re really depressed as well, you’re sad and there are times when you don’t really care that much about yourself and you’re just like “I’m just gonna do all these things and they’re gonna make me feel bad” and you just don’t mind. You’re just thinking “Nup, I’m in this shitty place and I’m just gonna continue it”. But when you’re in a better mindset it’s great to be able to say “I’m gonna draw out these nice sounding hopeful things.” Even if there’s just a little bit of hope in them. It’s also about choosing those things outside of music throughout your day too, like meeting a friend that makes you feel good about yourself. It’s so powerful to do that with music though, because it actually does change the way that you feel. 

-Amanda Laver.